


Troll Harrison Ford is Hotter

by maria_j_harper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Plot? What Plot?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:03:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maria_j_harper/pseuds/maria_j_harper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember when Aradia and Jake marathon-ed all the Indiana Jones movies AND the troll counterparts?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Troll Harrison Ford is Hotter

“Ba-da-da-da, da-da-da, ba-da-da-da, ba-DA-da, ba-DA-da, ba-da-da-da, ba-da-DA-da-da-da, da-da-da!” You sing with loud enthusiasm.  
“You are a terrible singer!” Aradia accuses, even though she’s grinning just as much as you are.  
“Yes, well the Indiana Jones theme song is too low for you to sing it,” you point out.  
“You think so Jake? Is that a challenge?” She reaches for a pillow. She begins singing, and whacking you with the pillow in time with the song.  
“Ah, no, stop! Jiminy christmas Aradia, you’re going to make me miss the movie!” You are giggling uncontrollably.  
She whacks you one last time. “Fine, but don’t think this is over. When it comes to pillow fights, Aradia Medigo shows no mercy.”  
“Aradia Medigo? I never thought you were one for referring to yourself in the third person.”  
“I’m not. Jake, what have you done to me?”  
“Only villains refer to themselves in the third person. It seems I’ve turned you into a villain!”  
“I suppose you’ll have to become a brave adventuring hero to stop me from committing evil deeds now. I’m your responsibility, since you’re the one who drove me to it.”  
“Hey look, that one scene’s coming up!”  
Aradia got up and struck a series of phony kun-fu poses. “Ha-hi-ka-ha-hwaaa!”  
You roll your eyes and point your hand like a gun. “Bang.”  
Aradia falls over. She bounces back up almost immediately to watch the same scene play out on the screen.  
“You know that-”  
“Harrison Ford improvised that scene? Yes, I was the one who told you that,” Aradia interrupts.  
“Right, sorry. Isn’t it strange how some of the best comedy comes from improvisation?”  
“I guess.”  
“Would you like some popcorn?”  
“Yes, that would be nice.”  
“Great, I’ll go make us some.”

“The fourth movie was alright I suppose,” you say. “But I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of giving it a miss.”  
“Jake, Indiana Jones marathon means Indiana Jones marathon, not just the Indiana Jones movies we like.”  
“Whoa nelly, I never said I didn’t like it! Alright, let’s put it in.”

“I love how his fear of snakes stays with him as a constant flaw that he keeps having to face and find ways to overcome. You don’t see that nearly enough in action movies these days,” you murmur.  
Aradia elbows you. “Shoosh, they’re having an emotionally poignant moment, stop talking.”  
“You talked all through the last three, why the sudden shoosh?”  
“Oh I talked? Ok mister, you are so getting pummeled to death by pillows when this marathon is over.”

You have paused the first Troll Indiana Jones movie half way through to settle a disagreement.  
“Yes, he is.”  
“No, he’s not.”  
“Yes, he is.”  
“Alright, I can see how you might think he is, subjectively speaking, but if you look at them both objectively, he’s really not.” You didn’t mean that to come out sounding as patronizing as it did. Woops.  
Aradia seems to think about it for a moment. “Nope, Troll Harrison Ford is definitely, objectively, hotter than your human one.”  
“He isn’t. Human Harrison Ford is the hottest Harrison Ford, and that is my final word on the matter!”  
“Jake, I will fight you over this.”  
Don’t say you wouldn’t hit a girl, don’t say you wouldn’t hit a girl- “Oh I’d love to defend human Harrison Ford’s honor, but I don’t hit girls.”  
“Your loss then.” She tackles you, and boy howdy are you glad you put down a futon for the two of you to lay on while you watched the movie. Your landing takes the breath out of you. Land sakes but she’s strong! Even though you weigh far more than she does, she holds you down easily.  
“Admit it, admit that Troll Harrison Ford is hotter!”  
“Never!”

“I’d best go brew us up some coffee, this is starting to really confuse me,” you confess.  
“No, see, that girl’s his long-time kismesis, they have a lot of history together, but that girl kidnapped his matesprit and his moirail so that he would be forced to pail her, and she’s making the kismesis watch.”  
“And er... which one’s the moirail?”  
“The one with the really great rack.”  
“...Neither of them are all that great.”  
“Horns, numbskull, she’s got a great rack of horns.”  
“Oh. But didn’t he err, pail her too?”  
“Yeah, because she has hidden flushed feelings for him, and he’s troll Indiana Jones so he pails everyone.”  
“What happened to the girls he kissed in the last movie?”  
“What happened to the girls Indiana Jones kissed in any of his movies?”  
“I see your point. Even so, coffee.” You get up and find your way to the kitchen.

“You... may be right. Troll Harrison Ford is very hot.”  
“VICTORY!!!”

“Well, it’s over,” you say.  
Aradia is asleep. Her eyes move under their lids, dreaming. You smile softly. She really is the best mate that you could wish for. You can wrestle together, watch your favorite movies, and you feel very lucky to have her looking out for you. She could call it a moirallegiance if she wanted to, but all you know is that it works. You finally have a friend who you don’t have to worry might want to kiss you, and you haven’t been this happy in a long time.


End file.
